That was the title of a front-page article in the San Diego Union-Tribune on Wednesday morning, October 1. The story was about the recently released pastoral letter "Always Our Children". This pastoral letter was five years in the making by the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops. This document breaks no new ground theologically. It does provide words of "faith, hope, and love to parents" of lesbian and gay children. The headline and the pastoral letter are both accurate! Parents Must Love Gay Kids! 

I have to wonder, when is it ever acceptable for parents to not to love their children, gay or straight? 

My opinion about this document is that it is a good Christian guide for parents, priests, ministers and indeed the entire Church on the issue of homosexual children, with one major exception. That exception is one I refer to as conditional love. 

While the overall tone and words are of compassion and love for gay children, ---a much kinder and gentler approach than we have ever seen before--- the underlying message remains the same! Words and phrases such as "Accept Yourself", "Accepting Your Child", "Do not blame yourselves", all imply something is wrong; something defective, something less than perfect! These words and phrases seem to be saying "we (the Bishops) understand the cross parents of gay children have to bear and want to help them bear that cross!" 

What about unconditional love? Why can't they just speak of love and care for our children, for all God's children? Why single out the issue of the gay or lesbian child for special consideration and acceptance? I think this was necessary because the official position as well as previous statements and letters (Ratzinger is one example) have created problems and a lot of confusion for Catholics! While this letter is a far cry from the nature and tone of the Ratzinger letter, it still falls far short of recognizing that who we are and all the gifts we have been given, including the gift of human sexuality, are all gifts from God. Gifts we have been given to use and to share lovingly and responsibly; gifts to be acknowledged and to be grateful for; never ashamed of or embarrassed by! 

Can you truly love someone conditionally? Maybe, but I don't see how. I certainly don't understand why. I think parents need to recognize all children as gifts from God. Gifts to be loved, respected and celebrated for all the joy, love and diversity they bring us; just as they are! Just as we all are! 

In closing, I would encourage all of you to obtain a copy of this pastoral letter and read it carefully. Except as indicated above, it is a good step in the right direction. And please write letters of support and encouragement to our Bishops as they are now facing a concerted effort by conservative Catholic groups who are unhappy with the release of the Letter. 

Mike

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